my bestest Geoff..

I'll love you forever, Geoff. you've been gone a year...and i still miss youi still think about you every daybut you're still in my heart, and really, i miss you sooooo much.
there are times when I have a bad day, when I want to call youi want to hear you tell me it will all be okay........I want to see your face smiling back at me, i want to hear your laugh ringing through the phone line. I want your advice on so many issues in life. i want to hear the shock in your voice when i tell you something crazyI want to hear what heaven is like, and how awesome it is. i want to see your blue eyes shining...I want to see you wearing a blue striped shirt. oh Geoff...i want to tell you i love youI want to hear you call me "lil sis" againi want to just be with youI want to just be me around someone, and that someone is you. i want to call you and have one of our random chatsI might even do a three way with you and someone else. :) *em grins here*i want to know if you're praising God with Isaac beside you..I want to hear you tell me i'm the funniest person you know...i want to see you with a special girl...I want to see you completely in love...i want to hear your voice shine when you talk about her. I'm happy that you're in a better place. i'm happy that you dont have to struggle any longerI'm so happy that you're "home"and I'm waiting till the day that i can see you again, my gboy. and even though I am happy..it's a bittersweet joy.Are you sailing on the ships of heaven?Is it beautiful?I still have the pencil you gave me so many years ago..I dont use it.. its too special. I keep it right here, beside my bed.. next to the pic and poem. and i have a picture of you beside my bed with a poem... in a frameI have a skittles wrapper sitting there.. to remind me of how extra sweet you were.I have the creme-savers you gave me sometime before you passed away. I couldn't force myself to eat them. there were just too special. I have a birthday card that you sent..it was a total joke, but it was so adorable.And I have to tell you...everytime i eat skittles, i think of you...everytime i see a blue striped shirt...i see you. everytime I hear someone say the name Geoff, my thoughts go to you. everytime i drink mtn. dew I remember the time you were driving, talking, drinkin mtn dew, eating and tryin to shift your little car. I remember the hours of time we wracked up on both of our phone bills for many monthsI remember one of the best voicemails u ever left meI wrote it down, in case something would ever happen, so that I would have it. i remember when you came to NY. i remember every detail of some of our chats... the sound of your laughI remember talking so late into the night, we'd almost fall asleepi remember the nextel vs cingular argumentsI remember the package of skittles i sent you...i remember the good times and the bad, because they all made up our friendshipi miss hearing you laugh, geoff. i remember the ring tone i had for youand honestly.. my heart skips a beat when i hear it somewhere in public.i listen to it on my phone just to remember what it sounds like to have you call. i hear songs that you used to sing when we'd be on the phone..the songs scream your name... and make me think of you....I remember the one time you almost got yourself killed on the farm...i still remember the panic in your voice when you told me about it.I remember the many times we had to apologize after fighting...I remember all the girl advice that I gave youand all the guy advice you tried to give me. ;) you were the very best. I even remember your passwords to your email addressi remember your voicemail passwordI remember the night that we exchanged passwords, and laughed about keeping track of eachother. I remember heidi mentioning something after you died that no one knew your password...and i said that it might be ****, but i wasnt surebut, it didnt matter now, and it was a lucky try. well, it worked. i smiled afterwards... through the tears. I tell everyone about you.... I tell my friends at school how much I miss youI tell them what a great friend you were.I tell them how much i loved you/love you. I tell them how you were a big brother to me. They wish they could have met you. Im sure of it. I tell people how i want to name one of my children after you. i tell people how geoffrey looks so much better than "jeffrey" :)
Geoff..you were..
special
amazing
loving
caring
super-duper
cute(this was a joke, ya know?... lol)
friendly
unforgettable
confusing
hard to read
understandable
and yet easy to read
predictable
crazy
daring
indecribable
an awesome "bro"
a best friend
THANKS to everyone who read this, and cares about my heart. My heart aches especially much tonight. It was a year ago that he went from this world to heaven. I remember everything so clearly. The shock when my phone was ringing off the hook when Heidi kept calling. Erin picked up. Silence filled the air. Panic bolted through my heart. Erin hung up and told me. I sat on my bed....shaking. I had to call heidi for myself. I heard heidi's voice... i started bawling. Tears didnt stop for hours. I remember just crying and not being able to sleep. I remember missing him the minute i found out he died. I remember it all like it was yesterday... n yet it feels like he has been gone forever and ever.
Well, im exhausted. I think a good cry will make me sleep good.. its been on my heart all day. Geoff. i love you sooo much. And i knew that you knew it, i just dont think you knew how much i have continued to love you... even throughout that "year". I'll always love you.